Sunday, March 4, 2007

Accepting Help

I find that accepting help from people very hard for me. Maybe because I am single and have been taking care of myself for a long time. I got through my first cancer alone and came out stronger than I thought I ever was.

This time there are people who are not letting me get away with "Oh, I'm ok- I don't need anything!" They are INSISTING.

I think it is one part me being a curmudgeon and stubborn and the other part is that in my mind I have been anthropomorphizing cancer into a living thing- The Beast. I feel it stalked me and got me again. I was strong and determined the first time and beat it on my own... part of me believes that if I suddenly have all these people hovering around me The Beast will somehow think I am weaker this go around.

Maybe I should start looking at it as I have a bigger team fighting it with me - that way I might be able to stop frustrating my family and friends every time they ask me if there is anything they can do and I say no!

Tomorrow will be a full day and Tuesday I will be in the hospital and by Tuesday night I will be starting a fight with the hospital staff trying to get released as soon as possible....

Did I mention how much I HATE HOSPITALS??


Anonymous said...

Thank you for saying what I have been saying. I think of cancer as a monster that never stops following me!

I know what you mean and I wish you luck with your surgery. You sound so strong I definately think you will beat this again.

St. Paul, MN

danahollis said...

Yes, accept help!

Your friends offer it because they care and they want to be there for you. Let them share some of the burden.

Good luck with the surgery. I'll be thinking of you and hoping you do not have much pain. Also... keeping my fingers crossed for a very short hospital stay. Your kitty will surely be missing you. :)


Anonymous said...

Me, too! NS, I'm a two-timer as well. Different cancers, 5 yrs apart.

You are an amazing woman - with a lot of inspiration. You make such an impact on Your contribution is amazing. We all owe you a LOT for your thoughts and posts, your encouragement. You brought me through my last surgery!

Hang in there my friend. And when you can't, let me know - this is a TEAM effort.

God bless!

Anonymous said...

Hey sweet girl...we are with you all day the magic carpet fired up and ready to go to circle you with our love and support. You will be well...sending an angel to watch over you and letting you know that you are so loved and cared for that this beast will run for cover when he sees us coming.
Your circle sister
Love ya

Anonymous said...

hey NS, we have the magic carpets ready and we will be there.


lv2cmp said...

Hello there NS! Heard you were home and just wanted to let you know you have alot of people thinking about you. Mazer says she hopes you are feeling ok and that she really behaved during the surgery. Word has it she was in the chocolate fountain!


Anonymous said...

This has not been an easy journey. It never is. To have to travel this journey again, different breast, different type of cancer after the five year mark is everyone's nightmare come true. Thank you for sharing with us in this journey. Thank you for allowing me to be a friend and I sincerely hope you have felt the prayers, good wishes, and love sent your way.

Many of us process breast cancer information differently. Some withdraw inward, pray, process and eventually come out fighting. Some need to share; have others around. I traveled for over an hour for treatments and I needed someone to go with me to drive but after that, anything that came up -I handled and I handled that first week after chemo. I didn't really want to be "sat with". If we are independent, do for ourselves individuals before breast cancer, well, that won't change. Accepting help after 2-3 days would get on my last nerve, irregardless of who the person was.

You have many, many friends that are walking with you, encouraging, praying, ready to talk or listen anytime you need them. This post surgical week hasn't been pleasant. Soon, you will know what else will be required. Just know that you are deeply loved and cared for - we are your friends. We live in many places but love and friendship have no boundries.

God Bless!!!