I find that accepting help from people very hard for me. Maybe because I am single and have been taking care of myself for a long time. I got through my first cancer alone and came out stronger than I thought I ever was.
This time there are people who are not letting me get away with "Oh, I'm ok- I don't need anything!" They are INSISTING.
I think it is one part me being a curmudgeon and stubborn and the other part is that in my mind I have been anthropomorphizing cancer into a living thing- The Beast. I feel it stalked me and got me again. I was strong and determined the first time and beat it on my own... part of me believes that if I suddenly have all these people hovering around me The Beast will somehow think I am weaker this go around.
Maybe I should start looking at it as I have a bigger team fighting it with me - that way I might be able to stop frustrating my family and friends every time they ask me if there is anything they can do and I say no!
Tomorrow will be a full day and Tuesday I will be in the hospital and by Tuesday night I will be starting a fight with the hospital staff trying to get released as soon as possible....
Did I mention how much I HATE HOSPITALS??